mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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