Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
