It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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