is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
