drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
