Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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