Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize