every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
