Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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