Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love you. Go after that dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
