I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
