his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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