You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.