1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
