Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken

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  (805): saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken http://tfl.nu/k7ra
  Replies (20) Good night (740) Bad night (3549)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate

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  (303): .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate http://tfl.nu/8kdy
  Replies (4) Good night (651) Bad night (4036)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

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  (512): I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different. http://tfl.nu/tob0
  Replies (11) Good night (4971) Bad night (1520)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.

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  (512): Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later. http://tfl.nu/arob
  Replies (5) Good night (2711) Bad night (934)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.

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  (734): you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm. http://tfl.nu/i6hi
  Replies (12) Good night (2730) Bad night (1346)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.

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  (978): I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far. http://tfl.nu/izah
  Replies (7) Good night (882) Bad night (3496)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.

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  (403): I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick. http://tfl.nu/pw1i
  Replies (8) Good night (2682) Bad night (655)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  he is risen halelujah

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  (303): nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ (1-303): he is risen halelujah http://tfl.nu/sbcr
  Replies (6) Good night (1549) Bad night (682)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it

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  (802): I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it http://tfl.nu/32uz
  Replies (4) Good night (1237) Bad night (669)
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  (760): View more from California

  Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).

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  (760): Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know). http://tfl.nu/1aw3
  Replies (8) Good night (1310) Bad night (613)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla

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  (615): Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla http://tfl.nu/8j5u
  Replies (3) Good night (431) Bad night (760)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.

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  (908): She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears. http://tfl.nu/al07
  Replies (1) Good night (446) Bad night (672)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  What happened to my face?

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  It was impressive.

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  (320): What happened to my face? (715): You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake. (715): It was impressive. http://tfl.nu/9g5g
  Replies (3) Good night (1283) Bad night (530)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...

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  (604): I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight... http://tfl.nu/vm1g
  Replies (6) Good night (325) Bad night (611)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"

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  (847): You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL" http://tfl.nu/xuia
  Replies (0) Good night (357) Bad night (426)

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