Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
is that a dick in a sweater?