when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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