i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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