Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
