Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
