I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
