They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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