So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
