Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
