So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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