I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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