its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ate ashes out of my bong
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
