I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
