Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
