You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
