Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
