I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
