we made out on top of his cat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
