I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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