I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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