Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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