The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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