Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
