I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
