peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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