ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
