You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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