i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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