bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i now understand why vodka
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
