think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
