Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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