don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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