Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
