Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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