Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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