i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
