I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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