Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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