dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
