My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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