It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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