he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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