Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just gift wrapped bread.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize