Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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