I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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