No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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